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Poems on the MRT

who is memory? by Tricia Tan

 

who is memory and what happens when we
bend to her? does one forget the english
'chrysanthemum', regress into mouthed huangs?
the way your autumn's
so strange in this snippet of island. the word lingering
like the last tangerine. what is memory
and who will drink of it? i imagine
aphid flickers in brain
eating away the best parts of you. you folded
our names scratched out on joss paper you burned
them kneeling, your wishes for prosperity
bound in clasped hands.
what is memory and who holds the keys to the attic
who holds your skull?
you spin around the train station an old streamer
refurbishing memory at an imaginary thrift shop,
the nursing home taking the place
of our faces. The bewildered screech
as I held your hand last tuesday did you know?
shrimp live with their hearts inside their heads and
you smile so well—heart full and head emptied,
memory like a million seashells scattering into the tide.
when you blink thrice i know to reintroduce myself:
the daughter you cared for. whatsapped prayers
plastic roses on my bed watercress stew. ziplocked in the fridge
I know the unfamiliarity in your eyes says to
lean into the familiar crevices of the hospital chair.
reiterate: who is memory and what can come of it?
reality lives so content with its split ends
i imagine you the mall eyes trawling
the sea of banners converging to a compass,
placing each step carefully a toddler learning to walk
her very first time. in truth i am parenting
both my memories and yours
releasing them like foolscap ships in a blue foam sea
and so today is like any other i press my ears to the lilies
listen for
echoes from
uncertain
unfurling
shorelines
the turning of feet
faraway
sand.

— Published in Patient History (2024)


​Tricia Tan is a doctor, poet and youth mental health advocate. She is the author of Patient History, a medical poetry collection published with Ethos Books. She is an Orygen Youth Mental Health Fellow, Global Shaper and the founder of the mindline.sg youth fellowship. Find more of her work at triciatan.com.

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Poems on the MRT is an initiative by the National Arts Council, in partnership with SMRT and Stellar Ace. Produced by Sing Lit Station, a local literary non-profit organisation, this collaboration displays excerpts of Singapore poetry throughout SMRT’s train network, integrating local literature into the daily experience of commuters. Look out for poems in English, Chinese, Malay, and Tamil in trains on the East-West, North-South and Circle Lines, as well as videos created by local artists and featuring local poets in stations and on trains. The Chinese, Malay, and Tamil poems are available in both the original languages and English. To enjoy the full poems, commuters may read them on go.gov.sg/potm.


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